About friends part 1
Best Friends, Gal Pal, Bosom Buddies, Sista, Bromance, Besties, Whatever you want to call it, we all have been given a gift. That gift is people. We all have a desire for friendship. For a common ground with folks that are like us. To develop an intimacy in which the other unit completely understands, accepts, respects and loves us. When we lack this we feel lonely. All humans desire a comradeship. We all want friends. We all do stupid things with those friends, but none the less we as people gather our value from the opinions of people, especially those who are close to us.
As a little girl I was taught that girls should never be in threes. That one girl will get jealous, or feel left out. My dad always used to remind me of this. He always told me it might even be me. Girls are clicky, boys are mean. These are the things that as a child I was taught about friendship. No one ever taught me the good stuff. That in the midst of a relationally deep friendship the amount of love you can give and receive is endless. Though friendships are rough, and are consumed with turmoil, when you have the right things laid out as the foundation, there is nothing more beautiful than a kindred spirit.
I have so many friends. This is in no way to toot my own horn. I am very outgoing and a natural leader so with that tends to come a lot of friends. The thing is I don’t really think I am that good at being someones friend. I am generally very selfish. I typically do and say things that hurt the other party. I have yet to master the fine art of friend building, and I crave that above all things. I have had very few long-lasting successful relationships. All of them I have learned from and hopefully become a better friend. In actuality I don’t know if I will ever be able to be a good friend because my flesh consumes me to the point of not really understanding Gods intention in friendship.
The Bible gives us a few examples of friendship. Jesus had His disciples. There where 12 and he kept of them very close. He had the most intimate times with John, Peter and James. Then there is Mary and Elizabeth. Elizabeth seemed to truly understand Marys hardship and the call that Mary had on her life to give birth to the messiah. The biggest example we have is the friendship between Johnathan and David. In this relationship we see the purest of love (between two men none the less) and they where scorned more than any other because they weren’t allowed to be friends. There love was the deepest kind and was so sacrificial. They where rivals for kingship and they still wanted nothing more than to serve the other.
I have some friendships that resemble those is small ways. I have some truly amazing friends who I know would throw themselves onto hot firey coals if they knew it would save me from the smallest amount of discomfort. I am truly blessed. What all my friendships repeatedly lack is continual sacrifice, and love more for the other person more than for one’s self. this is from both sides that I can see this. Additionally none of my relationships have been under the fire of scrutiny like these men. I love my friends, I really do. None has I experienced this amount of emotional attachment.
I do have one friendship in which we hide whom we truly are from the world because very few agree with the way we go about our relationship. We have a very unconventional relationship that is so beautifully woven together by God. We both know we have been called to each others lives and we are so thankful for each other. I can’t tell you how daily I am able to see more of Gods character through this person and how they sharpen me and challenge me in my walk with God. We care very deeply for each other and I feel the most need to be sacrificial and loving in this friendship than any other. It’s probably a reflection of how they treat me. My other friends have given us both much push back, all of which I understand although I disagree. I love my friends, I am glad they keep me accountable, but no one really understands. This is my Johnathan and David. No it’s not the same as the biblical story, but there are many similarities. We have a very loving, open, sacrificial, fun, servant hear-ted, affectionate, life involved friendship. There is so much more that goes into it. I praise God daily that He blesses me into this friendship. I have repeatedly come before the Lord pleading with Him to show me the sin in having this friendship, every time I find that the sin is within me and I am further called to lay down my wants and needs to serve my friend. I have even asked God to take it away from me because it is so hard to know that no one agrees with something you par-take in all the time. Again God only calls me to give more energy and time to my friend.
I could give you a million little examples on why and how our friendship is good. I could actually choose from any of my friendships and tell you how wonderful it is and how much I love them and how much God has grown me through them. (like I said I have the worlds best friends) That is not the point. The point is this. I am learning to do relationships entirely different. I am learning that I can’t have rules on my friends. That I can’t expect them to be a certain way or to do things for me or to love me the way I desire to be loved. I am not allowed (biblically) to do those things. All I can do is love EVERYONE like Jesus. I have a tendency to pick certain people who I expect things from. All the people who I interact with generally I expect nothing from. The few I do expect things from I expect the world from them. They need to be perfect friends to me. That is so wrong and doesnt follow any of the biblical examples I was talking about earlier.
Here is what I am going to do from here on out: Just be. I am going to serve and love all my friends the best I can no matter what they have or havent done for me (who is even keeping score?) and I am going to just enjoy and be grateful for the friends and relationships I have. I know I am beyond blessed in fellowship. I am spoiled.