Things are going good
they really are. I have been truly blessed with such a full life! I have this fantastic job, doing what I absolutely love, and I no longer have to worry about money. I have a big beautiful apartment, with two Jesus seeking women as roommates, who love on me without ceasing and in every waking breathe encourage and council me. I have the best of friends in the whole world who would bend over backwards to be by my side and have proved their love for me whilst I went through the darkest of seasons. I live in a city that, although I never thought this, I adore. I am within walking distance of seriously the best ice cream on the planet and gluten-free cookies, that although you’ll regret later, will make you momentarily think you’re in heaven. I am slowly starting to become part of a community and that excites me. I have a family that loves me and enjoys my presence, and even more so I enjoy there’s. I can run for the first time in two years, and what do yah know I’m still good at it. I put healthy, delicious food in my belly daily. I get to go on trips all over this big blue planet of ours. I have the privilege of having long conversations, often about my maker. I have people helping me along the journey to completely restored health. What a beautiful glorious life I live! I try to breathe it all in, enjoy every moment of it, never miss or forget any of it. I couldn’t ask for more and I don’t deserve it.
And even still my identity can’t be found in that.
You see I could sit here and tell you how wonderful my life is, how much I love what it’s filled with, but then I would look at it and only see myself and be entirely overwhelmed with loneliness. It’s not for me. I was made for His glory. Yes He blesses me with gifts one could never describe. But i still often look to myself, instead of Him, to see how I can improve it. No matter how /perfect/ it is I always want more.
more time. more friends. more money. more laughs. more work. more food. more affirmation. more selfishness. more.
The moment I take my eyes off the cross (yes the moment, it only takes a moment) I am overwhelmed by how much more I think I deserve or need and that’s when I slip. I slip into wishing for the past, for hoping too much for the future, and slip deeply into thinking I can never do any better and never bring any glory (even if the glory is truthfully meant to please myself)
Today a dear friend reminded me of the truth. The truth is surrender. I must be quick to surrender my eyes, my heart and my life back to the cross.
And this is a lesson I will relearn on auto repeat so that my heart yearns for repentance the moment my eyes leave the cross. Until I reach the heavenly gates it will be so.
My cup truly runneth over. I can not think of a single need that the Lord hasn’t provided for me. I would actually consider myself spoiled.
My heart breaks for this. For my own lack of understanding of how God placed me here, gave me a call and will provide and take care of me in that call. For others lacking in this same understanding and watching them struggle and wrestle with not only our Father, but with the world and with all the temptations of sin. It will not cease until we are made complete at the gates of Heaven.
My challenge to you today is to be satisfied in Him. He will give you rest, He will fill you, He will give you His love, He will direct your path, give you wisdom and heavenly knowledge. He will. He is never-changing, perfect in mercy and in grace and the one who cares for His children!