The Conclusion

Disclaimer: I in no way thought this would be the result of my cleanse/fast. God knows what I need SO much better than I ever will! Praise God for that!!

I usually don’t share with others the result of a fast, but I did promise to do so in my last blog. So here we go. I am going to keep it simple as to keep intimacy with God private. I hope it will encourage some of you to rest on the truth of the Gospel.

So the cleanse was relatively easy. For 2.5 days I had no hunger. No headaches. I was able to exercise and didn’t require extra sleep. My understanding is that these are not normal results, although I’m sure others have felt that way. I felt very fulfilled by Jesus, the bread of life, and was hunger pain free. It was incredible. I am off four days in a row every other week so I just enjoyed my time off, and kept myself busy with friends and errands. Very normal. But by Wednesday I was feeling the heaviness of the need for the Sabbath I was about to take. I had set aside a long period of time for God. For reading, prayer and reflection.These were all simple things. I had no idea of the wall God had planned to knock down in my heart.

Every learning curve we go through, in my opinion, is for the benefit of a deeper understanding of the Gospel and for the purpose of teaching the lost.

My mind was racing at the beginning of my time before the King. I sat there thinking ‘My mind is never going to stop long enough for whatever is bothering me to surface.’ And then out of nowhere the heavens whispered to me. That beautiful still small voice- ‘you are healed, now walk in the healing!’ In that moment I broke. I had gone into this fast praying for healing from so many things. Healing from relationships, from addictions and dependencies, for my body, from stress etc. But was I willing to accept that healing? Nope I wasn’t. I wanted to micromanage everything in my life. That control was what pushed me to put more sugar in my mouth. It’s what caused me to stress out every time my body changed and continued with the healing process. I sat there on the beach feeling the weight of all these things lift off my shoulders and immediately was replaced with reverence, at the beauty of the God I love madly and serve endlessly.

What it all boils down to is where I put my trust. Do I put it in God who has the power to heal me, or do I put it in myself? “To you oh Lord I lift my soul. Oh my God in you I trust.” Ps 25:1 As I read this verse, I could feel my gaze shifting from what it had been, to what it should be. I kept hearing the words whispered from the Gospel of John 5- Jesus heals a man sitting by a healing pool, who hasn’t walked in some time. The man never touches the water of the pool. He just heals him and says “Pick up your mat and WALK!” and you know what about that crippled guy is so interesting? He doesn’t hesitate! All I’ve done is hesitate. If I believe the promises that God has made me in the depths of my heart, I’d know that He has healed me. I don’t need to live in fear. He’s healed me from all the things I lift up to Him, that I give Him full heartedly. He has my life in His hands. So what is it that I don’t believe that arises this fear? How do I full accept Gods healing?

Really what I am not fully getting is the Grace of God. That He would desire for me to be healed for the fulfillment of the Gospel. The book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp has a chapter about this that I just so happened to read yesterday. She talks about how all is Grace. All can be transfigured. “The God of the Mount of Transfiguration cannot cease His work of transfiguring moments- making all that is dark, evil, empty into that which is all light, grace, full.” “Can I believe the Gospel, that God is patiently transfiguring all the notes of my life into the song of His Son?” Reading these words stung like darts in the dark. My answer has been – no I can’t. I have to be in charge. So yesterday I had to let go. And in that beautiful intimate let go, I found the Glory of God, which truly is my transfigured hearts’ desire.

Last night God released me of my fast. What’s the plan next? (oh come on I’m a planner. Did you really think I wouldn’t make a plan?? God knows my heart) I’m going to continue taking care of my body. I don’t have a sugar addiction. If I want to eat sugar, or corn or if all my food is cooked one day- it’s not a big deal. I am still a daughter of God and my body is healed. It can take it. I do know a lot about food and am so grateful for that. We have been given freedom to make choices with our bodies in concern to food. I know what’s best for me; I will walk in the freedom of that choice. There’s more to life than control. God has slowly started to pull my hands out of my own life, one area at a time, so that he can place my hands in the work of His plan for me. I went through a season of losing everything so God could replace it with the life He has for me. As much as that suffering hurt, I look back with joy. It almost makes me giddy to know that God loved me enough, to break me down so far, to raise me up in His glory. So my plan is to continue to “lose my life for God’s sake and the gospel {so as to} will save it.” Mark 8:35

God’s love is to the deep and untouched. Go and experience it. Push everything that distracts out. Push social media, food, relationships, work, even sleep if you have to, to go before Him, fully present and enjoy His grace. He wants to pour it out on you. For the fulfillment of the Gospel.

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